His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
