why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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