why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
