...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize