Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize