So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
