It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
