We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize