Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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