I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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