last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
