Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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