He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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