is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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