She is in my trunk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
