some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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