he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
