dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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