and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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