Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
