At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
