I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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