Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
