we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
