Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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