I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
