He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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