I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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