Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize