I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
