some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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