The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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