...so i touched it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize