Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
