worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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