I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
