Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
