if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
