i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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