the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
