He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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