During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
