my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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