His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
as a side note pls kill me
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
