I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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