i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
