Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
