i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
