Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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