Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
two words...techno handjob
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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