Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
