I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
