just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
