she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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