You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
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