Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
