The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
