grandma shit on top of the toilet
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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