maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
