I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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