I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
