if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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