I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
