The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
