i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
