you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
