I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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