All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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