The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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