just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
