I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
