the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
