In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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