God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
