DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
