Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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