I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize