i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
